Our Loss

The past three months have been difficult for us.  We lost our daughters on my 28th birthday.  We found support in so many family and friends in the days, weeks, months following their passing.  So much love we were overwhelmed by it.  We celebrate James 30th, our 12th anniversary, and my first mother's day.  All with out our girls.  They hurt but there was this feeling that they should not be here.

Now as I pass what would have been my 34 weeks I start feeling like they should be here, we should be all prepared for them, but her I sit with empty arms.

On the positive side, I am hoping to be pregnant this summer.  I feel guilt for moving on, joy at the possibility of holding another baby in my arms, and fear that something will go wrong again.

The six months I carried the girls inside me were the happiest I have ever been.  Even without a job and financial security, they feeling of never being alone was wonderful.  I want that again and I will have it, whatever has to be done.