Sunday, July 22, 2012
After
Reading the book the After Wife and saw this conversation. Hannah "do you realize for the rest of my life, I am going to have to tell people about his death." Jay "Remember this, when you feel sorry for yourself, that you are the bearer of this terrible news. Remember you had the ultimate privilege. True Love."
I feel this way about the girls. All my life I will have to explain their death. "Do you have kids?" "How many kids do you have?" These questions haunt me. The stickers on the back of people's cars showing their family. I can't do that. In the future we may have three kids but we will always have our two girls we lost. All the cute ideas to announce a pregnancy do not work for your second pregnancy when the last one went horribly wrong.
With all of that, I know I am lucky to have had them. For them to have lived within me, for me to have had all that pain to bring them into the world and all the pain losing them so shortly after.
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There is sorrow and pain here. The healing from this loss is a lifetime, it is only the distance of this sad event that will ever provide clarity. I'm sure that distance seems unbearable right now.
ReplyDelete"All the cute ideas to announce a pregnancy do not work for your second pregnancy when the last one went horribly wrong."
You would doom your next child to fill the air with this attitude before its life is breathed into your body??
Mourn your sweet girls Brandy, they are amazing sweet angels that will never leave your side.
But as a friend, its time for some tough Love.
DO NOT look forward and make ill on the good that can still come into your Life on the future path.
That child and the ones after that one, all of them after Abigail and Emily deserve "cute announcements" too. If you can't see that, you are not ready. Even as good of parents as I know in my heart of heart you will be.
Ill thoughts gets you nowhere. And if it holds you back, then it holds James as well.
Keep that in mind.
I will not sit here and think that I even know one ounce of how it feels to lose a child, because mine fought the Fight of her Life to be born and breath.
What I will tell you is that I don't live the moment I almost lost her every day. I live the moment she chose to stay with us EVERYDAY. Not one day goes by I'm not grateful.
Time to start Living What you say, Time to start Living in Gratitude.
You can ignore me, but I promise you, if you really truly start embracing this, IT WILL PAY OFF.
I'm here to talk, or to scream at, cuss at....you choose.
I will not abandon you.
In LOVING LIGHT,
Norma